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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

The All-Name Fantasy League Team 

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to my cousin, Shelley (a huge Mariner fan) and she told me about her idea for a fantasy baseball team: Choose the names that made her laugh the most. So, based on this highly scientific process, I created this team. Brought to you by Snickers: Not going anywhere for awhile? Grab a Snickers.

The Lineup
C: Jason LaRue (great pornstar nickname)
1B: Albert Pujols (Shelley's only selection)
2B: Frank "It's Raining" Menechino (Thanks, Chris)
SS: Pokey Reese
3B: Dallas MacPhearson (Co-Stars with Jason LaRue)
LF: Coco Crisp
CF: Milton Bradley (I couldn't find a player named "Parker Brothers")
RF: Wily Mo Pena

PH: Bobby Hill (Dammit, Bobby!)
3b: Kevin Youklis (The Greek God of Walks)
C: Yadier Molina
OF: Nook Logan (best name on the bench)
SS: Freddy Sanchez

Starting Pitchers
LHP: Randy "Big Unit" Johnson
RHP: Kerry Wood (Don't we all)
RHP: Rich Harden
RHP: R.A. Dickey (noticing a pattern?)
LHP: Kenny Rogers

RHP: Jose "Harold" Valverde (Thanks again, Chris)
RHP: Tim Spooneybarger
LHP: Mike Myers
RHP: T.J. Tucker (can be nicknamed "Hooker" without taking offense)
LHP: Jung Keun Bong (Attended Evergreen CC)
RHP: Ugueth Urbina

I wanted to put Dee Brown, Jeff Bagwell, and Woody Williams on the team, but I ran out of roster spots.

Evergreen is a four year institution. I'm surprised George hasn't left something about that yet.
You should add Jerkin' Merkin Valdez to your reserve list in case the Giants call him up from AAA mid-season.
Imagine the call: "...and Alou has seen enough. He's gonna go out there and yank Merkin."
A few more for your reserve list:

Prince Fielder, MIL
Yusmeiro Petit, NYM
Brandon McCarthy, CWS
Lastings Milledge, NYM
Cole Hamels, PHI
Benny Agbayani, Chiba Lotte Marines
Chih-Chia Chang, Seibu Lions
Tuffy Rhodes, Yomiuri Giants
Wei-Tzu Goh, Kintetsu Buffaloes
Felix Pie, CHC
Philip Humber, NYM
Evergreen IS a four year school with graduate programs... but anyone with the surname "Bong" would be elevated to god like status there.
Like if your name was Dan Pabst and you were in Pullman
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