Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Richie Sexson, in an indefensibly foolish attempt to recreate the checked swing that he hurt himself with last year, reports that the shoulder is fine and that he'll be ready to strike out 180 times again in 2005.
Adrian Beltre, the M's biggest free agent since Kevin Mitchell, is godlike in stature and will lead the Mariner faithful to the promised land.
"King" Felix Hernandez, 18-year-old pitcher, has an apparently haircut-related mechanical flaw that causes his hat to fall to the ground after every pitch.
Jamie Moyer is, like, older than my dad. Seriously, doesn't it seem like he's been with the team more than ten seasons?
Alright, now that we're all square with the stated subject of my blog, it's time to discuss what's really been on my mind in the world of sports these past six weeks. That of course being Pac-10 men's basketball. With the tournament starting Thursday (and only allowing eight teams, while all ten women's teams participate), here's my Official Game-By-Game Preview of the first round's action, brought to you by Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, Maruchan Instant Lunch, and Quizno's. Mmmmmm, toasty!
(1) Arizona v. (8) Cal
Arizona 93, Cal 70
Arizona puts up should-have-been Pac-10 POY Salim Stoudamire and Cal counters with, uh, Richard Midgely?
(4) UCLA v. (5) Oregon St.
UCLA 75, OSU 69
Despite all the new NCAA hype, or maybe as a result of it, this game has let-down written all over it for the Bruins. Of course, I can't pick four Pac-10 teams into the Sweet 16 without getting four in the NCAAs, so I'll give UCLA the nod this time.
(2) Washington v. (7) Arizona State
UW 85, ASU 57
I just picked this up over the Associated Press wire:
TEMPE, AZ (AP)Back on Feb. 26, I personally observed the Cougs' Chris Schlatter single handedly throw a wrench in the offense of the entire ASU squad by simply fronting Diogu the whole game. Diogu is constantly praised by the media for being this rare great person amongst today's rambunctious youth, what with his early 1960s-style mini-Afro and lack of tattoos and all. Constant dirty looks at teammates every trip that he doesn't get the ball notwithstanding, I guess. Diogu often is contrasted with Stoudamire, who gets knocked for occasionally dogging it on the court, a charged backed mostly by Stoudamire's apparent lack of enthusiasm on his face. Have you seen Diogu play? The guy looks like he just woke up and is really unhappy about that fact. Stoudamire's also got, gasp!, shaggy hair and tattoos! What a complete punk. If there was a clean-cut white guy in the POY running this year I'd hate to read the kind of racist garbage the papers would be putting out right now. Oh, uh, the Huskies are really good, in case you hadn't noticed yet.
Ike Diogu, it turns out, is HUGELY overrated.
(3) Stanford v. (6) Washington State
Cougs 65, Stanford 50
Stanford relies on physically beating the crap out of their opponents and not making mistakes on offense. Against most teams this is a novel approach, but not the Cougs. The Cougs rely on a similar approach, but with superior athletes, and look to sweep the season series against the Cardinal. Just a hunch, but I think the Cougs' "Flyin' Hawaiian," Derrick Low, is going to blow up in this game. Something along the lines of 18 points, 11 assists, 4 steals.
The Beltre signing, however, ranks as the best mariner free agent since.... umm... Pete O'Brien? Saying Beltre is the best signing in Mariner history is kind of like bragging about having the highest IQ in the Special Olympics: all the other options are retards!
"You cannot stop Schlatter: You can only hope to contain him."